Awkward Emoji Encounters and Why Representation Matters
Which coffee do you rep?
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Let’s talk about emojis! 😏
How do you use emojis? Do you pay particular attention to their meaning…or do you just wing it?
Do you use ‘colored’ hands or the default yellow? Does it matter to you? Is it even that deep?…I hear you say.
I’m one of those people who are partial to virtual interactions with friends, family and acquaintances. I much prefer the good old face to face (with a cup of tea or a glass of wine) conversations. They are easier to handle and reduce the chance of: misconstruing the meaning behind someone’s words; or develop passive aggression because you feel misunderstood. There is also less room for overthinking. If you tend to let thoughts marinate, turn them inside out and upside down in your mind…it can sometimes take very little to jump to the wrong conclusions. Granted, in-person interactions don’t always go as smoothly as the picture I am painting here, but at least you have more than one communication style to work with. If you get offended, you’ll probably make a face that the other person can read and react to appropriately.
In the last 2 years I’ve had a few odd, sometimes uncomfortable digital conversations with people based on the emojis they chose to use and it got me thinking. How do these cute, seemingly harmless symbols affect our day to day interactions?
The very first time I had one of these cringe-worthy moments was while visiting my partner in Malawi. I would often be around the expat community (which happened to be mostly white). Isn’t it odd that while writing this it felt awkward to call people white or point to their ‘race’? I put it in quotes because race is a social construct that has often been used to harm or exploit others. I digress.
A lady I shared mutual friends with was planning a trip to Kenya for the first time and was curious about where to go and what to do for fun. We exchanged numbers so I could give her tips on the music and arts scene. When you are a minority in social circles, there’s a tendency to want to paint the best picture of where you’re from. If I was to have anything to do with her experience in Kenya, it would need to be good! When I sent her a quick message so she could save my number, she replied with a ‘like’ emoji in the darkest skin tone. I’m not exaggerating when I say I got a mental whiplash reading that message. I was completely dumbfounded!
My first thoughts were: “What’s that supposed to mean? Is she trying to make some point about me being black, because that emoji looks nothing like her actual hand? Is this low-key shade?”
We hardly knew each other so it didn’t occur to me to confront her. Suffice to say, it was an awkward experience and I was appalled by that interaction. We hardly spoke after the incident.
Fast forward to more than a year later. As history tends to repeat itself, a similar thing happens. While texting back and forth with another (white) acquaintance it is quickly apparent that she only uses the light brown emoji, the second darkest tone. The difference this time, was that we had built a rapport. So naturally, the first time I noticed it I figured it was some kind of mistake. Maybe involuntarily selected or simply done out of ignorance. When it happened a few more times it started to bother me. I decided to address it from a place of curiosity whilst wanting to open up a conversation on this sort of thing. If indeed it was an honest mistake, I was keen to shed some light on how that could be perceived by people who deliberately use emojis that represent them.
It started off really well. An open discussion. She had no problem hearing me out and I was interested in her perspective. When the reason for using said emojis was, ‘it just doesn’t matter or mean anything’ that hit a nerve.
At this point I’m going to throw a caveat and mention that a friend of mine, a Kenyan of African descent uses the lightest (read white) hand emoji when texting. So I’m well aware of how this has varied degrees of relevance to different people. However, that doesn’t mean we should dismiss the value that representation holds for a lot of people. Why would the emoji creator(s) bother to represent human diversity, if not so that people would feel included and find a more authentic representation of themselves?
I remember the first time I noticed the variation of complexions on emoji hands and how excited I was to find one that closely matched my own complexion. It felt really good to relate to something as simple as a drawing. Especially one that has morphed into an integral part of text messaging. Before, everything was neutral and we would all use the yellow hands but now we can personalize our expression even more! Like this one time I was posting an update of my natural hair journey and how delighted I was to find out that there was a curly haired, dark complexioned face. The hair was not just curly but a TWA (teeny weeny afro)! In a sentimental way it validated my existence.
When these ‘little things’ many might take for granted, have an impact on one’s sense of belonging or being part of a larger world. It is rather disconcerting when someone decides that it’s ‘no big deal’ and uses whatever emoji.
As we debated I tried to think of how to explain it in a way that would make sense for those who couldn’t relate to the race argument. At this point I had been keenly observing the evolution of emojis. I noticed that there were now bald emojis in different age ranges and sexes. This could be representative of not just naturally bald people, but those who had become bald as a result of medical conditions like alopecia or as a side effect of chemotherapy. The appearance of these new emojis probably brought joy to people who felt like their unique experience and how it altered their physical appearance was just as valid. They felt seen, and they were not alone.
My attempt at having an enlightening discussion was unsuccessful. It taught me that these sensitive conversations can be quite difficult to navigate. It’s not easy to get to a place of understanding and mutual respect when the someone feels judged or not viewed in the best light. Naturally one might get defensive.
These conversations are necessary as they point out our biases, and we all have them. When we are truly willing to participate and learn from them we will find the opportunity to know better and do better. Only then can we raise our awareness on things that could be far from our reality. Things that affect others who look different from us, come from another background or simply have a lifestyle that’s different from our own. It helps to think of how our actions, big or small, may affect those around us. It’s a little practice in empathy that goes a long way!
Because at the end of the day, representation matters! 🧡
