Hindsight’s 2020: Lessons I learnt in my 20s
I recently shared a video on YouTube where I talked about the life lessons I learnt in my 20s. That decade was marked by a lot of unraveling and restructuring. I teethed in one thing and bloomed in another, it seemed as though a surprise was always waiting around the corner. The video was a summary, so figured I’d share the little gems collected along the way in greater detail.
Late last year, after moving to a new apartment, an old friend came to visit and catch up. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so a lot had happened. For some reason, the conversation drifted off to the challenges she was facing and I shared mine even if in retrospect. We laughed to hysterics because all those Kiswahili language lessons, methali (wise sayings) by the wahenga (sages) finally made sense! Not just logically, but you could relate lived experiences to the existence of these proverbs or sayings.
With that said, this blog will be some kind of walk down memory lane. Back to Kiswahili class with all those cryptic statements we had to remember, quote and decipher in exams. Except this time with hindsight.
No regrets: there’s a lesson in every experience
‘Maji yakimwagika, hayazoleki’ = ‘Don’t cry over spilled milk’
You probably will go through some difficult times, it could be in your personal or professional life. Some of these negative experiences might go on for a long period of time because of the choices you make. To stay or to leave. When you finally choose to leave unhealthy spaces don’t beat yourself up for not doing it sooner. You are almost always doing the best you can with what you have.
No point in regretting your choices when you can use them as lessons for future scenarios. It might seem easier said than done but it’s a more productive attitude. By the time you fully recognise your worth, the lesson sticks.
Changing or evolving is a good thing
You’ve probably heard this statement more times than you can count. But clichés are clichés for a reason. The truth is even in times like this with prolonged periods of staying indoors, it starts to feel like life is not moving as fast as it should. As long as you’re living in awareness and making deliberate choices on a daily basis, you’ll notice that things have been shifting. Each day is a little different from the last.
Many people had plans for 2020 that they had to let go of or postpone. A lot had to change as soon as the World Health Organisation announced that Covid-19 was a global pandemic.
As you grow, you learn new things about yourself, your surroundings and you develop new interests. Change comes in different ways, some of them painful others uncomfortable, but often the results are worth the inconvenience. The more invested you are in adding value to yourself, the more you morph into a better version of yourself. So embrace change and make the most of it!
Learn to have difficult conversations
This lesson was further reinforced for me quite recently. I had collaborated with a friend on a project and though parts of the outcome were excellent, the process grew rather unpleasant. After a long period of complete silence from them and my need to address it. It emerged that there were aspects of my method that they essentially disagreed with. Unfortunately, the radio silence created a feeling of hostility from them and bred annoyance on my part. It got me thinking about how important it is to address an issue as soon as it emerges, not waiting too long. This applies to all interactions with people whether romantic, platonic or professional.
Though some might consider this act confrontational, it’s actually just as harmful if not worse to allow it to fester into something more than it actually is. Quite often, confronting a problem sooner than later creates room for discussion and clarity. It helps to build more understanding and find common ground.
As much as it could cause discomfort, it is smarter to sort things out instead of ignoring them, hoping they will go away. It’s also a way to stand up for yourself and manage expectations.
You become more like your parents!
When I was a teenager you could never have convinced me that I would be having a cup of tea several times a day. That getting home from work to make myself a cuppa would be something I would look forward to. Growing up, my parents often had a cup of chai after dinner, and I thought it was the funniest ‘old people’ thing! Fast forward to me trying different recipes and frequenting my friend’s restaurant just to satisfy a craving for his delicious cardamom tea.
Now you will find an assortment of teabags in my kitchen which are a part of my night-time routine. I stock up on fresh ginger and turmeric to make some satisfying, calming Ayurvedic chai too! Just typing this has my mouth watering. Good thing it’s cold outside. I can cosy up to a nice little cuppa with no guilt whatsoever.
Protect your peace of mind and choose happiness
When you find yourself in spaces or among people who steal your joy, make you second-guess your value as a person, or lose sleep. There is no reason why you should waste your time or energy entertaining that. Toxic people and environments are like a cancer that spreads throughout your system, sometimes slowly and anonymously, other times fast and deadly. By the time you are aware of what is happening you are already suffering mentally, physically or emotionally. There is also the side effect of mirroring the behaviour of those around you, lashing out and fostering negative patterns. To look inward and fix your own imperfections and find healing, you have to get out of situations that tend to bring out the worst in you.
There’s a pattern to the madness
When life seems chaotic and there’s no sense to the things happening to you and around you, it’s often difficult to see beyond that point in time.
When you start a career and feel like you’re not exactly where you hope to be, there are pieces of the puzzle missing that you will find along the way. If you make the most of what you have, the loose ends eventually tie up. Skills and experiences that you think will loose value often come in handy when you least expect it. I encourage everyone in their 20s to grab the opportunities that come your way, because you never know when and in what way the payoff will come. It hardly ever gets wasted and is often worth it in the end.
It’s alright to say no
It’s not just OK to say no, it’s often the kinder thing to do. If someone asks you for something, invites you to a party and you’re not keen…find a polite way to say no. If you truly feel incapable of delivering according to expectation, or you’re simply not interested in a proposal be honest about it. Saying no saves not just your time but that of everyone else involved. It cuts a lot of red tape and makes life easier for everyone. So next time you find yourself bending over backwards, getting overwhelmed or falling into old patterns of saying yes even when you don’t mean it, try saying no and see how much lighter your load will be. Then you can focus your time and energy on things that actually matter to you.
Keep the kid in you alive
We all have that part of us that remains childlike, not to be confused with childish. That innocent, sweet, honest(even to a fault) part of us that hasn’t been tainted by the ‘big bad world’. The part of us that sings in the shower, dances around the house, finds joy in cute little things like ladybirds and pretty flowers unexpectedly popping out of a rugged bush. That innate child in us, I find is where the true depth of happiness, vulnerability and peace reside. Getting older does not mean loosing that colour, curiosity and sense of adventure. I had lost my inner child for a little while and boy did I miss her!
“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire”
Do it afraid
Kupoteza njia ndio kujua njia= Practise makes perfect
Anything you can or would do given the chance is worth a shot. Even if you are scared of failure, or not being as good as others in the same field you have to start. You owe it to yourself to find out if it’s worth your while, and the only way to know for sure is if you give it everything you’ve got. A lot of people who have done notable things in the world started from zero. They had to be beginners, before they became gurus. So be graceful towards yourself, even if you fall flat on your face you’ll be proud of the fact that you tried.
If you choose to pursue something else, there won’t be a nagging question in your mind of ‘what if’. You’ll know that you gave it your best shot and it’s okay to let it go. But there’s a good chance that it will lead to a path far greater than you could have ever imagined and all you had to do was start.
These are some of the lessons I learnt which could shed some light for those who are still trying to figure out this wonderful thing called life. I would be lying if I said that you ever truly figure it all out. But you do get better and you know more as time goes by. 'Kuishi kwingi ni kuona mengi’ (experience comes with age/time)
Share some of the lessons you have learnt so far, be it in your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and proverbs, sayings or methali that made sense to you as you grew older! Many of these lessons are universal and we all learn them at different points in our lives.
Here’s to growth in the journey called life! 🥂
